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Why Are We Allowing Our Children To Quit?

"Sally" (no that's not her real name) applied to and was accepted last spring to one of the best schools in the country. Several hundred students competed for thirty-five spots in the freshman class. Sally was one of the gifted thirty-five. She was accepted in April...spent the month of May bombarding her reluctant parents with all of the reasons that the school was a great choice for her...had until June to confirm her placement...and until August to change her mind. Yesterday she gave up her spot leaving the admissions committee, those who wrote references for her, staff who recommended her, and commitments she'd made all with empty hands. She left at a time when it was too late for a wait-listed child to enroll.

Follow up:

Remember, this was a school that Sally wanted to attend. So why did her well-educated parents allow her to quit? Because she wanted to. Because she had changed her mind and wanted to be a cheerleader and play softball (both points brought up by her parents during the decision making process which she had blithely dismissed) and because the work was difficult and the expectations of the staff were hard to fulfill...and because the battle was easier to avoid than to fight. Wow! What are we teaching our children? Don't get me wrong. No child should be forced to continue an activity indefinitely that is not fulfilling to them. But in this case a fourteen year old student should be expected to at least finish the year she had begun. Too many children are learning to walk away from activities that are hard or which require effort and when parents allow their children to quit they are setting a precedent for all future difficult situations. We are teaching our children to take the easy rather than the right path.

Categories: On My Mind, Parenting | Permalink | 2 feedbacks »

Comments:

Comment from: Ralph [Visitor] · http://emiles-world.blogspot.com

03/13/09 @ 03:07

Hello, Sue,
We´ve got the same problem here in Germany. As a vocational school teacher which is compulsory for young trainees I can see some youngsters who decide for a training, or are pushed into it by the state job center, and then quit after a few weeks or a year. This is especially awkward as it is not easy to be accepted as a trainee in any field of business. Most of the trainees nevertheless finish their 3-year training according to standards.

Anyway, at the age of 17 to 20, youngsters can decide on their own, and some resist any advice.

Comment from: Reading Girl [Visitor]

03/16/09 @ 19:03

Lately I know just how Sally feels.

My passion in life is education. Academics and learning have been my safe haven and my home all my life. I have wanted to be a child psychologist since I knew what that was. I've spent more time as a teenager in the public library in the education, psychology and self help section than I have anywhere else. I read scholarly social work, psychology and education journals for fun, yet lately, all I hear is, "get a job". Any job will do. McDonalds, Walmart, Target, whatever. Everytime I've called a member of my family on the phone they tell me that getting a job is my ticket to success...not an education, a job. A five dollar an hour one that will leave me still sitting on a street corner will do just fine, just get a job. Seriously, my grandmother tells me five dollars an hour is very respectable. "After all, it's a job."

Nobody asks me how I am going to finish my education and prepare for my calling in life, although I know deep down inside this is the way out of mediocrity. For me. Maybe not for everyone, but for me.

I want to believe that we believe in Higher Education in this country. But I don't think we do. I think many people still believe higher education is a necessary evil, like antibiotics, or flu shots. Preventative, maybe, but not essential, certainly not a valuable experience for its own sake. IF we fail to get a job we chalk it up to the job market, our own "skills set", lack of ambition, the color of our clothing, but how often do you hear a recruiter say "gain a little more knowledge about what you are doing and call me in a year." They don't. They might say you don't have a four year degree, which is supposed to be synonymous with education, but of course most of us who study education and are truly interested in becoming educated know that it is not, many times, what it means at all. If you are a remotely autodidactic person and you do any outside research on topics related to whatever course you are required to take you know the classroom will very quickly become a very boring and isolating place. IT is not cool to know more than what will be on the test. (You can take my word on that. Been there, done that.)

People want jobs, not education.

What they really want is money, to survive in a very difficult world, a consumer based, spendocratic society, and we all know you can't make money by knowing too many things...right? Hmm....

The really disturbing thing is that I've spent the last ten years trying to do exactly that. Earn money, in a semi-respectable job, no education required. Despite being so miserable I cried myself to sleep every night. Everytime I lost a job, because inevitably the fake identity I would have to put on to get through the day would reveal itself one way or another despite my best efforts to convince myself and others to the contrary that this was the greatest place to be, I promised myself I would not do it to myself again. Now, having come out of a near complete emotional breakdown, with no self esteem left for any employer to take, I am again begging the cosmos for an opportunity to be me, just once, instead of what everyone else thinks I should be. And despite the pain the people around me have seen me go thru, do you think they are saying, "Let's get you back in school. What do you want to do? How can we help you realize YOUR dreams instead of ours? Nope. They are still staying "Get a job. Any job will do."

I wish I had met Sally. I may not have a degree or a job, but I think I am pretty versed at this point in my life at all the things not to say to a young woman like her. All I have to do is not treat her the way I've been treated.

In the end I suspect Sally ended up exactly the way the society she was socialized to be a part of expected her to be. I guess we are just not ready to admit it to ourselves yet.

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Meet Sue Waite-Langley | Western Regional Mgr.

Ms. Waite-Langley brings a unique perspective to Creative Tutors. Educated at the University of Connecticut where she received a BS in Finance; Susan brings over thirty years of diverse professional experience in business management, financial planning, marketing, technology, and fundraising. While her early business experience was in technology sales, she most recently has been involved in many child related activities including working as Business Manager for a small private school and local dance studio and countless hours of volunteer work in support of public school dance programs in the DFW Metroplex. A widow with two grown stepchildren and two daughters attending the University of Utah, Sue is uniquely aware of the varied educational demands and needs of children. She states it best: "The public school system is geared today for the average learner. Exceptionally bright children and children who require extra help in order to progress academically are left out. We stand to lose half of our children...some through boredom and others to frustration." Her vast professional knowledge, coupled with her personal conviction to meet the educational needs of all children, is a true asset to Creative Tutors. In addition to her work with Creative Tutors she is involved with the Utah arts community and is a passionate family genealogist. Sue currently fills the position of Corporate Compliance Officer and has relocated to Salt Lake City to take on the additional responsibilities of Western Area Regional Director and Manager of the Northern Utah Territory.

"The question is not what you look at, but what you see." | Henry David Thoreau | Journal, August 5, 1851