ca·pa·ble [key-puh-buhl] adj - having power and ability; efficient; competent.

Are you raising capable children?

Are your children coping well in school? Do they have the power to be independent and to stand up for themselves? Can they efficiently manage their own responsibilities? Are they aware of their surroundings and competent enough to respond correctly in an emergency? OR...do your children look to you to manage every aspect of their lives; to fight their battles and to get them out of trouble?

Follow up:

Dawn Billings, creator of the Parent Tool and Child Development System suggests that parents must parent in a positive, powerful, purposeful, patient, and peaceful manner in order to raise a capable child. She has some great ideas but, she does not go far enough. Commending good behavior; encouraging your children; and being consistent in order to allow your child to understand the cause and effect relationship of their actions are all necessary to raise a capable child. But nowhere does she talk about allowing children to make their own decisions. Her suggestions are geared towards conditioning children to spontaneously behave well; to develop instinctive good behavior. But capable children are thinking children. Reacting spontaneously and making a good and appropriate decision is great...but it will only work if your child has been "trained" to respond effectively in every situation. If your child has never been allowed to practice making decisions how can they be capable of managing without you by their side?

Let me give you an example. All of our children have been "trained" not to talk to strangers. Most of us have even talked about different scenarios and ploys that "bad strangers" might use against them and perhaps even role-played responses. But would your child be aware enough of his surroundings to notice that a stranger was following them? Would any of this help your child decide instantly the best course of action to take and then be able to implement a potentially lifesaving course of action? In this true story...the girls involved were nine and eleven. They correctly noticed a stranger paying too much attention to them. They decided to cross the street to see if the stranger was really following them and then, when he crossed the street as well, made the safe and correct decision to enter a business where there were lots of adults present and waited there for their bus instead of on the corner. These capable kids did not panic...they did what had learned to do; what they had practiced for years. They made a series of smart decisions and were confident enough in their ability to make the right choices to effectively execute their plan.

Rasing a capable child means that we must not just tutor them in proper societal behavior but we must teach them to make decisions and then hold them accountable for the result. For instance, a four year old is perfectly competent to decide what clothes they want to wear to the mall. We can suggest that the shorts and t-shirt they've picked out aren't warm enough for a snowy day and offer jeans, a sweater, and winter coat instead but, the world will not come to an end if they insist on the shorts. Only by allowing them to make up their own mind and then suffering the...in this case frosty...circumstances will our child learn how to use what they know about weather to decide what to wear on a freezing cold day. The next time your child gets dressed and chooses to wear rainboots and a slicker on a rainy day, imagine how proud they will feel when they arrive at school with dry socks and shoes. Only when we allow our children to practice and make age appropriate decisions will we be truly raising a capable child. Capable children are independent children.